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Animal Humor

Dear Dogs and Cats,

Home


For the Love of Dogs!
Menu of Dog Breeds

Bones and Chew Toys
Paw Prints

Houses, Rosettes & More
Letter Postoids
Sealed with a Kiss/Slobber
Expressions A-I
Expressions J-Z
Agility & Obedience
Rescue and Sick Doggie
Christmas - Holidays
Other Dog Stamps

 

Other Creatures:
Kitty Collection
Horse Collection (A to C)
Horse Collection (C to F)
Horse Collection (F to H)
Horse Collection (H to R)
Horse Collection (R to W)
Foxes
Rabbits & Bunnies
Guinea Pigs, Ferrets, Rodents
Farm Animals
Feathered Friends


Stamping Supplies:
   
Dye Inkpads
Pigment Inkpads
Embossing Powders

   Heat Guns

  
 

The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain YOUR food.
The other dishes are mine and contain MY food. Placing a your paw in the middle of my plate does not mean that i
t is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is:
Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN

(1)  They live here....you don't.
(2)  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
 
     
That's why they call it “fur”-niture.

(3)  I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4)  To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
      are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1)  eat less,
(2)  don't ask for money all the time,
(3)  are easier to train,
(4)  normally come when called,
(5)  never ask to drive the car,
(6)  don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7)  don't smoke or drink,
(8)  don't want to wear your clothes,
(9)  don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Inner  Peace: This is so true
  
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and  boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and  blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,  
If  you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

 
...Then You Are Probably  ......... 

The Family Dog!